


Mix and Match

by Stripe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bonus Round 1, Homestuck Shipping Olympics, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripe/pseuds/Stripe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of the fills I did for the first bonus round of the HSO.</p><p>Includes: Dave kissing himself, Karkat being a hard-boiled detective, Jade glowing, Dave being a knight, Rose and John hate-snogging, Karkat hiding in a science lab, and Sollux coming back from a war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave<3Dave (Medical Drama/Surrealism)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was Dave<3Dave with a dash of Medical drama and Surrealism. 
> 
> Which basically means that I flailed around and wrote something bizarre enough to make sense.
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1603785#cmt1603785).)

You’re standing in the corner of a circular room, and you’re also standing in the other corner of the circular room. The other you is wearing a military jacket over a muumuu. You think to ask, but you realize that you probably already know the answer. 

You – the other you – speaks first. “They’re losing you,” you say.

“What?” you say. 

You repeat the words again, but this time the noise echoes off the walls, causing a chorus of “Doc, we’re losing him.” The voice doesn’t belong to either of you, but it sounds familiar anyways. You forget why, and the room contracts. 

You’re standing closer to yourself now, and occasionally you beep at you. You raise an eyebrow, and you shrug at you like you don’t get it either. Beep.

You have the urge to get closer to you because, let’s face it, you’re pretty attractive. So you take one step, three steps closer, and the walls of the room follow you so you stop, but the other you starts coming closer too, and next thing you know you’re standing nose to nose with yourself, red eyes to red eyes. 

“Prepare the defibrillator,” the other you says, and fuck you if that’s not the hottest thing anybody’s ever said to you. You pull yourself close to you and – why not? – you kiss yourself right on the lips.

You flat line.


	2. Karkat<3Terezi (Magical Realism/Film Noir)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for this one was to mix a Film Noir in with Magical Realism. I've never really seen a film noir, so I just kind of went with "hard boiled detective" and hope that people who read this will pretend it's in black and white. 
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1628105#cmt1628105).)

She enters your office on a grey, rainy day that’s just like all of the other grey rainy days in this city. Says she can help you get a lead on the murder of Kana- Miss Maryam. You don’t believe her, but you’re out of options, so you let her take the seat across from your desk anyways. You glance at the letter she sent you ahead of time – the handwriting’s terrible, borderline unreadable, but you get the message well enough.

“You read minds?” you ask.

“Yeah,” she says.

“You’re shitting me.”

“Am not!”

You lean forward and pinch the bridge of your nose. “Look Miss...” 

“Pyrope.”

“Miss Pyrope. I don’t know what sort of _fantasy_ world you live in, but this is the real world, and this is a real murder. This is not just some sort of playground for wigglers who shit in their diapers, and as much as I’d fucking _love_ to have magic to solve this case-“

“It’s not magic!” she insists, and she leans forward with a toothy grin. “It’s just a sixth sense. Everybody has it; they just don’t know how to use it.”

You’re not buying it. “Oh yeah? And how come you figured it out?”

“Lose one sense, you make the rest stronger,” she explains, and she pushes her lenses down to show her eyes. You wince, despite yourself. Painful, blinding red. 

You know that color well. 

“Still doesn’t prove anything,” you say. 

“Maybe not!” She leans back and pushes her glasses back up. “But _you’re_ not proving anything in this case without me! I know you’re out of leads.”

“What, did you _read my mind_ to get that?” 

“No, just used logic. If you weren’t at wit’s end, you wouldn’t be talking to me right now. You’d be out there following those leads!” She leans forward again, smiling that shark-tooth smile, and you swear for a moment your heart stops beating. “I know you Karkat Vantas. You don’t stop until you get your man. I admire that in a troll! That’s why I’m here to help you apprehend the criminals.”

“Well you’re not exactly proving to me that you’re going to be much help.” You cross your arms and lean back in your chair, away from her.

“Very well! Then I should like to permit this evidence into the court...” and she takes a moment. You swear you god you can hear her sniffing. “You, Mister Vantas, knew the victim personally, which makes your feelings with this case personal! You blame yourself for not doing anything to stop it! Of course you think that I’m crazy and-” She takes another sniff. “Hm! Interesting blood color. I wonder if there’s even a place for it on the hemospectrum.” 

Your mouth is dry and your eyes are wide. “How did you...” You don’t know how to finish the sentence.

She remains nonchalant. “I told you. I read minds. If you just let me talk to your list of suspects for a few minutes each, I’ll crack this before the sun goes up.”

You sigh and run a hand through your hair. You don’t know who this girl is. But- hell, you need a lucky break. Maybe some magic is just what you need. 

“Well, Miss Pyrope, welcome to the case.”


	3. Dave<3Jade (Post apocalyptic/Tragicomedy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt was a Post apocalyptic Tragicomedy for Dave<3Jade.
> 
> Didn't do so much for the comedy part, but it was still an awesome prompt. (and I kind of want to write more of this AU)
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1630665#cmt1630665).)

Jade glows now. That takes some getting used to. 

So does the whole part-dog thing, but that’s so bizarre your mind hasn’t even tried to fully comprehend it. You didn’t even think radiation worked that way. 

(You wish it’d worked that way for you.)

But the glowing is really throwing you off. It’s not something you notice much out in the sun, on those days when the two of you have to risk crossing the sun-baked earth for new shelter. She looks a little greener than usual, sure, and if you really squint, you can make it out. But at night she lights up like a fucking lava lamp.

“Turn it off,” you tell her, as you do every night when you have the strength to talk. “Fucking zombie men are gonna track us down.” 

She hits you in the face with her tail. “I would if I could! Besides it doesn’t matter if they track us down. I can just take out all of the zombie men with my sonic bark!”

It’s a testament to how weird things are that you’ve grown to accept that as a legitimate statement. 

Sometimes at night, you dream about the way things used to be. When Jade didn’t glow like a goddess but she was brilliant anyways. Back when would describe her latest inventions to you and your long-since-vaporized friends at the lunch table. You thought you had to protect her, then. Somehow keep her genius safe from the drudgery of high school. 

These days, she’s the one protecting you. She stands between you and what’s left of the world as what’s left of your hair falls from your scalp. 

Funny how things work sometimes.


	4. Dave<3Jade (Medieval Fantasy/Forbidden Romance)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for this was Dave<3Jade, Forbidden Romance in a Medieval Fantasy setting, with their Knight and Witch roles emphasized.
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1645769#cmt1645769).)

She’s not like the other dames you know who live in towers. 

For one she’s not locked up there because of some dumb curse, or an overbearing father, or some ominous prophecy, or anything like that. No, she lives up there because she _likes_ it. 

Secondly, she’s not even locked up there to begin with. It takes you a good half hour to scale the thing on a good day, but whenever she wants to leave, she just uses a spell to float down, and then a different one to float back up. It’s effortless.

It’s no wonder the townspeople are scared of her. She’s a girl who doesn’t have anybody reining her in and has enough power to level the kingdom, if she wanted to. Luckily for them, all she wants are a few of their crops and farm animals every now and then to further her “experiments.”

Unluckily for you, they don’t see things that way, and they’re starting to get a little impatient. Because every day, you promise, “I’m going to go and get myself a witch today, this time for sure.” And every night, you return with your clothing a little disheveled, and you shrug and say, “Sorry, guess she got the best of me again.”

It’s not really a lie, but you’re not exactly giving them the truth either. 

So the next time you two are alone, hidden away where nobody else can find you, you tell her: “You should probably move yourself over to the next kingdom. Hear their pitchforks aren’t as sharp over there.”

She giggles. “But if I did that, then there’d be some other knight sent to come and kill me!” She pecks you on the lips. “And I like the one I have right now.” 

You start to protest, but she silences you with a finger to your lips. 

“Besides, if the ‘best knight in the land’ can’t conquer me, then I have nothing to fear from a bunch of scared villagers! What’s the worst that can happen?” She smiles and kisses you again.

And you can think of a lot of “worst that can happens” which end with one or both of you dead, but you hold your tongue. 

Years later, you’ll regret it.


	5. John<3<Rose (Musical/High School AU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt was a John/Rose blackrom with genres of School AU and Musical Fiction.
> 
> I wasn't really sure how to do the musical fiction aspect of it, but I could not resist trying my hand at the pair, so here we are.
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1651401#cmt1651401).)

You are Rose Lalonde. You are an alto with perfect pitch, and you have the best voice in your high school, according to everybody you know. 

He is John Egbert. He is a tenor with a voice given to him by the angels. He was your friend until freshman year, when he dumped a bucket of water over your head in the middle of the matinee for the school musical. You had scored the lead as a freshman, but because of him, everybody laughed at you and you never had a chance at a lead again.

(he says it was a harmless prank and that he only did it because nobody was in the audience anyways, but word got around, and he never thought to apologize, so you never thought to forgive him)

Standing between you now is a scholarship to the top music conservatory in the country, which both of you have the grades and voice for. 

You sit opposite from one another in the waiting room before the audition. John’s playing a game on his cell phone; you sit with your hands folded primly on your lap. The model student. 

You shut your eyes and concentrate, thinking only of the goal at hand. How you will rip the scholarship right under Egbert’s nose, revel in the sweet taste of victory-

“-- _Rose_ , god, are you even listening?”

You snap your eyes open and glare at him. “What?”

“Well I was trying to tell you good luck on your audition, but you ignored me!”

“Ah.” You close your eyes and continue to ignore him.

“Rose! God, don’t tell me you’re _still_ upset about the stupid musical.” You open your eyes again and look at him. 

“Why, how could I ever be upset about something as _minor_ as that?” you ask in a languid voice. John relaxes at your assurance but of course you can have that so you continue. “After all, it was only my one chance to shine as an actress – it certainly couldn’t be _ruined_ due to a prank in the middle of one of the two performances.”

“Come on-”

“Furthermore, that dress was _only_ one of my favorites, purchased by my very own savings. And water has never been known to ruin such delicate fabric before!”

“Hey, I offered to pay you back for the dress-”

“And deprive you of the money you so clearly need for an orthodontist? I could never accept.”

John makes an effort to pull his top lip over his buck teeth. “Oh yeah? Well I hope you get laryngitis! It’s just about the only thing that could make your stupid voice bearable to hear!” 

Your eyes lock.

(neither of you get the scholarship. they didn’t believe that “making out with a rival” was a valid excuse for missing the audition)


	6. Jade<3John<3Karkat (School Fiction/Dystopia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt was Jade<3John<3Karkat with school fiction and a dystopia.
> 
> I initially had an idea similar to what I was doing for Know Your Enemy, but then decided against it. And now the dystopia is much more implied.
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1680073#cmt1680073).)

John isn’t sure what to expect when Jade runs up to him at the end of 7th period, telling him urgently that “you need to see the science lab, pronto!!!” He thinks maybe it’s just another one of her inventions, or maybe she finally figured out how to un-miniaturize his lunch from a few days ago. 

What she shows him instead is much stranger. 

When they enter the science lab, Jade turns the light off rather than on, and she turns to give him an uncharacteristically troubled look. “You’ve got to promise,” she says, “that you won’t tell anybody.”

John promises.

“Not Rose,” she adds. “Or Dave. Or your dad, or any of the teachers! You can’t tell _anybody_.” 

“I won’t say anything! You’re my best friend; I promise my lips are sealed.” And to prove it, he pulls his fingers across his mouth, mimicking a zipper. Jade seems reassured by this, and she kneels down to a cabinet under one of the sinks, opening it slowly.

At first, in the dim lighting, all John can make out are the eyes – two glowing gold embers, sitting ominously under the sink – and he’s taken aback. What on earth has Jade found? Things don’t get much clearer as he begins to make out the rest of the form. It seems to be a small, gray human with two nubby horns at the top of its head, and a mess of fangs in its mouth. It growls, and though it’s probably supposed to sound threatening, the creature mostly sounds pathetic. Like a lion cub who hasn’t yet learned to roar properly. 

It’s kind of cute.

Jade kneels down next to the creature, speaking in a hushed, soothing tone. “No, it’s ok! This is John. He’s going to help us.” The creature growls again, and she gives it a stern look. “Be nice! Now repeat after me – Joooooohn.”

“Jade, what are you-” John starts to say, but he’s interrupted by a small, gravelly voice.

“Jaaaaaahn.”

From that day forward, every day after school, John and Jade sneak to the science lab. Things are difficult at first, but it seems that Karkat (at least they _think_ that’s his name) has a good propensity for language, and once they give him the basics things run smoothly. He refuses to move from his place under the sink for reasons they still don’t fully understand – he keeps on pointing at his eyes, which makes Jade think he might be sensitive to light. 

Still, they bring him food, and try and figure out why he’s there, hiding in their school science lab. It’s usually pretty fruitless, however, and they spend their time afterschool trying to teach him how to speak more clearly. Their hope is that one day that he’ll be answer the questions of what he is and where he came from, but those concepts are still far beyond Karkat’s current grasp of the English language. Instead, their conversations to be simplistic, and usually about food.

It becomes something of an inside joke. Jade and John will giggle about the latest ridiculous thing Karkat has done behind their hands during lunch, much to the annoyance of their other friends.

“You two had best be careful,” Rose warns them one day. “If you two continue to behave as you are, we might have to assume that you have become, as the saying goes, ‘an item.’”

This only causes them to giggle harder. 

As the weeks progress and Karkat becomes more articulate, he begins to say more troubling things. He has trouble piecing together the right words, but he begins speaking of activities “below ground,” of “other friends.” Jade and John continue to try and get more out of him, but eventually every conversation ends with Karkat pointing at his eyes. “Not see,” he insists. “Not see here.” Then, when he sees that they don’t understand him, he strings together a few curses Jade accidentally taught him, and he clams up. 

It takes a month and a half for John and Jade to put together the pieces, but it comes too late.

They go to the lab that afternoon, as they always do, but when they open the sink, Karkat is gone. John and Jade both tense, and they look at each other. 

“You don’t think he left on his own, did he?” John asks after a moment, even though he knows the answer.

“Of course he didn’t,” Jade says. “He couldn’t leave because of...” she lets out a frustrated sigh. “’Not seeing.’”

It hits them both about the time that they realize there is somebody standing behind them. Both of them whirl around to find themselves face to face with a tidy-looking man in a mostly-white suit. 

“John Egbert and Jade Harley, I presume?” Neither of them can find the proper words to respond. “My name is Doctor Scratch. I do not take tampering with our test subjects lightly, I’m afraid.” There’s a weighted pause. “You two will have to come with me.”


	7. Aradia<3Sollux (Historical/Tragedy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for this was a historical tragedy for Aradia<3Sollux.
> 
> This was baby's first Homestuck OTP and I was really in the mood to write something depressing. Alas, I also did not have time to fact check this, so I apologize if something is way off. (Also it turned into a little more of a Karkat & Sollux fic, but there you go.)
> 
> (Originally posted [here](http://hs-olympics.dreamwidth.org/13513.html?thread=1991625#cmt1991625).)

You feel the wheels of the plane touch the ground, even if you can’t see it, you’re glad to be home. If you’d known getting blinded would get you discharged, you’d have done it yourself the moment you were drafted. At least then you wouldn’t have had to experience ‘Nam firsthand.

A nurse helps you out of your seat, and you lean against her shoulder as she leads you, limping, off of the plane. Your local airport is small – only a few gates for the whole thing – but the second you step into the terminal, you’re disorientated. You hear a cacophony of voices from every direction, with no rhyme or reason or concern for the young, confused soldier who just walked in. You slump against the nurse, who is luckily strong enough to catch you. 

“Who will be picking you up?” she asks kindly, keeping a firm hand on your shoulder. It’s the only thing anchoring you to the world right now.

“Not sure,” you admit. “My parents just promised it’d be somebody I’d know.” You relish the S’s as you say them - losing some teeth ended the lisp that got you tormented through highschool. When you think about it, getting critically injured on the battlefield is one of the best things that ever happened to you.

“A girlfriend?” the nurse asks.

“Maybe,” you say. “Assuming she still wants me now that I’m blind and useless.” You smile – useless is a _great_ word. 

“So what’s this girl of yours like?” the nurse asks. You don’t know if she’s asking for small talk or if she’s hoping for a general description.

“She’s great. Obsessed with old buried shit and she knows the best ghost stories. And she’s not bad to look at either-”

“Shit, Sollux? Is that you?”

Even if you can’t see him, that is unmistakably the gravelly sound of one Karkat Vantas. Not Aradia. You can’t be too disappointed, however – even if you constantly have to reaffirm it with one another, Karkat is one of your best friends.

“Hey, KK,” you say. There is a bit of silence in which you’re not completely sure what’s happening. You think perhaps the nurse is mouthing something to Karkat, but you can never be sure. 

“Well, I’ll leave you in his hands then, Sergeant Captor,” she says finally, and you are transferred from her shoulder to Karkat’s. It’s awkward – Karkat’s always been shorter than you – but you try to be grateful nonetheless.

“Come on,” he growls. “Let’s get you to the car.”

\----

“So what’s life been like around here since I’ve been gone?” You ask Karkat once the car’s started up. “Exciting?”

He scoffs. “Hardly.” 

“Surely _something’s_ happened.”

Karkat takes in a deep breath, and that’s how you know he’s about to give bad news. “Well, Eridan came back in... in a body bag.”

You’re about ready to comment “serves him right” until you remember Karkat and Eridan were sort of friends. 

“Tavros is back too, but his legs got messed up a bit, and he doesn’t really seem all that right in the head.”

“Knew a lot of guys who ended up like him from my squad,” you say, like it’s nothing. “I hope AA didn’t take it too hard. She liked digging for treasure with him when they were kids.” There’s a weighted pause. “How is she anyways? She didn’t end up with that muscle-head horse-fetishist did she?”

Karkat takes his time, and you fear the worst, but he finally says, “No. Equius volunteered about a month after you left. He’s enjoying the constant orders, I think.”

“Figures.” There’s a moment of silence again, and you’re waiting for Karkat to answer your first question, about Aradia, but he seems intent on ignoring it. He turns on the radio instead – you don’t recognize the song, but it sounds like something by The Beatles. You decide to push him. “Hey, how about we make one more stop before you take me home? Can’t hurt right?”

He sounds a little dejected when he says, “Guess not.”

“Could we stop by AA’s place?”

Dead silence. 

“KK?”

“Yeah. Yeah, OK. Are you sure you’re ready for this, though? You don’t look so good. You just got back and everything.” 

“I haven’t seen her in months. Part of the reason being in the army _sucks_ is that there are no girls. I want to end my dry spell ASAP,” you explain. “Besides, she’s seen me worse off.” You feel the car shift as Karkat makes a U-turn. 

“Not what I’m worried about.”

\----

The moment you step out of the car, you know that this isn’t Aradia’s house. You’re not used to being blind yet, but you could probably drive that route be touch alone, and this isn’t it. You stand there for a moment, wondering where you could possibly be. Did she move? 

Karkat walks around the car and grabs you by the wrist, leading you forward. “Watch the curb,” he mutters, but you trip over it anyways. And you walk. 

You quickly realize that you are not at a house, because no front yard is this large. No park is this quiet either. This is when you get an inkling, but you don’t say anything. 

Karkat stops you suddenly, and turns you ninety degrees. “There,” he says. 

You frown. “KK, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m blind. What am I supposed to be looking at?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he begs, and _shit_ you think he’s about to cry. But you follow your inkling, so you shuffle your feet forward until they hit something hard. 

Your throat constricts, and you reach down, feeling the edge of smooth stone. And you nearly feel sick, but you need to make sure, and your fingertips brush across the surface. 

You can make out letters.

“ARADIA MEGIDO  
1948-1966  
A loving friend and daughter”

Your knees give out, and you fall against the grave, your elbows placed precariously on top as the rest of you simply melts. Sobs shake your body, but you can’t cry. Not with your eyes.

The war took that away, too.


End file.
